Favorite Jackie Moon Quotes

Jackie Moon: In the anals of history people are going to be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint, Michigan Mega Bowl.

Jackie Moon: ELE! Everybody love everybody!

Jackie Moon: No refunds, consider your refund escaping this death trap with your lives!


Jackie Moon: Suck my cock! I'll murder your family!

Jackie Moon: Damnit, Vakidis! Learn f*cking English!

Jackie Moon: If you see an opposum, kill it. It’s not a pet.

Jackie Moon: It feels like I got cat piss in my eyes.

Jackie Moon: Cover your sodas! Dewey loves sugar!

Jackie Moon: It's like the Titanic but with bears!

Jackie Moon: SPUMONI!

Jackie Moon: I am great at free throws. Seriously, free throws are, like, my best thing.


Jackie Moon: Everybody panic! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love tender meat.


Jackie Moon: I, Jackie Moon, will wrestle a bear.

Ed Monix: I've never been traded for a washing machine before. Until now.

Jackie Moon: There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top.
Clarence Coffee Black: So what's the plan?
Jackie Moon: Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on TV.
Bee Bee Ellis: What the hell is that?
Jackie Moon: It's eyeliner dummy. Now who's first? Monix?
Ed Monix: Oh yeah... Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.

Dick Pepperfield: I am here with owner-player-coach, Jackie Moon, and two of the Flint Tropics Ball girls. Hello ladies.
Jackie Moon: You are a little tongue tied now aren't ya Dick?
Dick Pepperfield: *Laughing* No no no, no no no. Mrs. Pepperfield is watching this, she watches all the broadcasts, and I just want you to know that I have no interest in these ladies what-so-ever. I think they are appalling.

Dick Pepperfield: How did you learn to play basketball?
Jackie Moon: I saw it on TV a couple times, I thought I could do that.